By Alexander Mcintosh ZNN
30 members of the Greater Manchester Police force were laid to rest yesterday after being attacked by members of the JFL, an incident which was condemned by the Chief of Police as an ‘act of terror.’ Zoe Reed, spokesperson for the “terrorist organsation” told reporters her group was protecting local residents after the officers had been attacked by zombies and could cause serious harm to citizens.
‘My Organisation doesn’t believe in ending lives, just saving them. If we kill any officers, it is because they have transitioned into zombies, not because we feel ‘trigger happy’
‘My thoughts are with the families of the deceased, but if it were not for JFL, the list of casualities would be far higher. All we’ve done is prove we are far better at handling the undead crisis than the poorly managed authorities, who has caused thirty of their employees to become victims of this attack so carelessly, whilst we handled it better than the Armed Forces, who sent back up that never arrived.’
James Burkenshaw, Chief of Police for Greater Manchester, rubbished Reed’s claim that his officers were attacked.
‘I have one of the strongest police forces in the UK at my disposal, so I don’t believe for one second that they were attacked by zombies. They were doing their duty and member of this terrorist group murdered them in cold blood so they could take control. When the autopsy reports come in, you’ll see who the real enemy is’
‘There were no other casualities in the community- so why are only police officers being laid to rest as victims of a zombie attack? They will claim it is because we are incomptetent and failed to guard the town. But we can’t be that incompetent if the residents of Heywood are safe?’
The news has had widespread effects across the country, as local authorities are threatening imprisonment for JFL members if they don’t leave their districts and cease their anti-zombie operations immediately.
It has been seen as a relief for General Parkinson, who rumours suggest is hoping to start his own “People’s Army” to rival that of Reed’s, in order to calm backlash demanding his resignation.
A helpline has been set up for Family and Friends of the deceased.